I believe in the Hokey Pokey & Funky Chickens.
I believe in Tchaikovsky, The Beatles, Brahms,
Basie, Bessie, Ella,
Phil Ochs, Tom Lehrer,
Bob Wills and Hank Williams.
I believe in the Holy Trinity: Chuck
Berry, George Harrison & Duane Allman.
I believe that Counting Crows is the Band of the 90"s
followed by Son Volt
(Nevermind Nirvana) .
I believe that Burl Ives" "Lavender Blue Dilly Dilly"
is the precursor to Jimi Hendrix" "Purple Haze".
I believe that coffee tastes best in glass coffee cups
because Bob Dylan said so.
I believe in a warm bath before sex
and warm sex before a bath.
I believe in Kathys, Kathleens, Katherines & Kates.
In Maryanns, Muffys & Heathers,
Jennifers, Umas & Charlizes.
I believe blonds have more fun.
I believe I am not a Baltimore Orioles fan
just because I wear an orange oriole stitched on a black cap.
I simply love birds.
I believe reading aloud to children
will guarantee their school success.
I believe in my favorite foods:
Sumatra coffee at Printers Inc. Palo Alto.
Watermelon (with black seeds) .
Quarter-Pounder with Cheese.
Swenson"s Black Licorice ice cream dipped in milk chocolate.
My nonna"s minestrone.
Heaven tastes like Vanilla. Coconut. Lime. Rare steak. Salt.
I believe the number one family secret
is child abuse.
I believe God is a couch potato in the sky
gazing down on tsunamis, September 11th,
Katrina, Iraq, the 2000 presidential election,
health care companies, Wal-Mart, Nike,
death camps, starvation, and World War I.
I believe that Fundamentalism is the bane of mankind.
I believe that blood has splattered the hands
on all religions, all races.
I believe I fear being homeless and alone.
I believe I"ll die an untimely death.
From a heart attack or a broken heart.
From a lethal car running a stop sign.
From gasping during sleep apnea.
From the 1918 Influenza.
From gangbanger bullets.
Or from Goddamn bee stings.
All in all, I believe in no after-life
(forgive me Jesus, Buddha and L. Ron Hubbard) .
And finallyI believe in change.
I believe in turning yourself around-
that"s what it"s all about.